May 11, 2010

The Importance of the FLR Community

I trust that those of you whose mothers are still alive had a great Mother's Day. My Lady and I have both lost our mothers to 'the other side', so we celebrate Mother's Day on our own. This year we attended one of the 'Tea's' which is hosted by the local 'community'. Its essentially done in the spirit of a 'high tea' with the men attending to the needs of the Ladies. They are held monthly and this was the second one we have attended. The gender mix is just about equal and my Lady had a wonderful time getting to know some of the other women, while I, along with the other men, served the Ladies.

Our experience with this group really underlined the importance of the Female Led Relationship (FLR) 'Community'. We live in a 'major' city and there is a rather active 'kink' community. However, as we all know the FLR group is a rather small subset of this group. And many couples who embrace a FLR tend to be quite private, especially the women. However, here in Seattle, we are blessed with a group of 'activists' who have put into practice, their passion for the FLR lifestyle and organized the 'Tea' function.

I believe that it is important to the Females in a FLR is that they network with each other, at least for those who have consented to explore a FLR with their partners. Many (perhaps most) of the couples in a FLR enter into it at the request of the male half. I am sure that many (perhaps most) women feel 'pushed' into participation. I have communicated with a number of men who have not been successful in getting their partners to give FLR a try. The result is a large frustration factor with many going behind the backs of their partners to get their 'needs met' even though they would have preferred it was their own partners helping to meet those needs.

In my own experience, I have had similar issues in the past. I have been with my current Lady for just under 5 years. Yes, it was me who introduced her into the FLR lifestyle. Fortunately, she has been a really good sport and went along with the beginnings of a FLR. Having learned some of this the 'hard way' through past relationships, I made sure that I was getting feedback from her to make sure her needs were getting met, too. And I made sure that I followed up when she did something that pleased me: like sending her flowers thanking her for the paddling I had received the day before. In addition I have made an attempt to make sure that she found that there was something in it for her, too.

Unfortunately, there may not be an active group in your area, but we do have a 'global' community right here, on the internet. More and more blogs have been established (my own included) that are centered around FLR. And some have even been established by women! There are forums centered on FLR (SMTR and At Her Feet, which you can find links on this blog) which have made it comfortable for women to explore. There are even areas on these forum when the men are prohibited from accessing, so that women can ask questions of other women.

At the suggestion of a posting on of the forums, I obtained a copy of 'Uniquely Rika'. This book (along with similar FLR related books written by women) was easily obtained from Amazon. My Lady is currently reading this book and even though she has only started, has found some 'gems' of information. These include the fact that the 'D/s' aspect may be thought of as a 'layer' on top of the relationship and that 'D/s extends you, it does not replace you'.

So, to the Ladies new to this lifestyle, welcome to our (your) Community. Relax, sit back, and take it all in. Find out what's in it for you. Know that there are others like you: curious to find out what this FLR stuff is all about.

To the men: perhaps the most important thing is for you to be patient and to keep up the communication. Carefully and patiently, introduce her to the resources on the net and let her discover that she is not alone.

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