March 28, 2010

Build Your Own Domme

A while back while chatting with others on one of the Forums, a question was posed by one of those on line: How did your Lady get to be the head of our relationship? This question has resulted in quite a bit of thoughts going in and out of my mind and I finally decided to post something on my blog. I will also get some direct input from my Lady which I will include (often, she provides some of what I post).

I have known that I am attracted to strong women for many decades, probably since I began to enter puberty. I will cover my 'beginnings' in another post, but in a nutshell, I found myself to be sexually affected (in a positive way) by a dominate woman. My earliest attractions were to the teachers in grade school who were perfect 'role models'. And paddling was still allowed during that period.

Fast forward a few years (or was it decades!). I have never kept my attraction towards dominant women and my desire to be spanked by them from the ladies I have dated. Life is just too short. Thus, when I first started dating my Lady, we had all kinds of discussions about ourselves and I was very upfront about my desires. Now, I realize that those of us into FLR are probably in the minority and this was probably her first exposure to someone who was. It turned out that we had so much in common that it made sense to explore each other. One of the major interests of mine is music and it turned out that she was passionate about it too. On her first visit to my house, we ended up in my studio listening to some classic rock. She is the only woman who asked me to "turn it up"! Oh how that caught my attention. There were many, many other common areas of interested and I began to fall deeply in love with her (as I still am). In addition we quickly became each other's best friend.

While my interest in FLR and spanking was new to her, she certainly did not hesitate to explore things in this area. Actually our first 'play' resulted in her in the submissive role. She did find that receiving a spanking could be sexually exciting and also fulfilling of some of her latent fantasies. As our relationship developed over the years, she did some exploration of FLR including reading some of the books and magazines in my library. It is my theory that she started to become more interested in the 'benefits' of such a relationship and I also believe that women naturally fit into the role of the leader in the family. Watching her, I could see her shedding years of socialization and finding her self esteem. I encouraged her to look inward to her own power and held her accountable when she regressed. I assisted her in finding clothes that she would both feel powerful wearing and also would look powerful. There was an amazing change. She started to 'own' her own power and (much to my delight), take charge. It was a gradual process, but she now feels much more in command and is finally comfortable in holding me accountable, issuing instructions on things she wants done and presenting her expectations. Of course, I am delighted in how our relationship has progressed.

However looking back, and in the context of the question asked on the forum, were her actions mostly done to please me? Or did I facilitate her own development? Probably, it was something in between. I probably did help 'Build My Own Domme' but I think she likes the current state of our relationship. One thing I have observed in reading other blogs, forums and discussions with others into our 'lifestyle' is how different each relationship is from one another. We are probably not as much into the Femdom structure as others and my spankings are probably more at the 'playful' or 'erotic' side of the spectrum. In addition, our relationship still maintains much 'balance' and we participate as equal partners most of the time. But, more and more lately, she is comfortable knowing that she has the 'last word'.

I asked her if she felt 'pushed' into this life style. Her answer was a definite 'no'. The result was a return to her feeling of power (which she did have when growing up), after decades of being in relationships with men intent on destroying her. She found that it was more beneficial to be alone until meeting me. I believe that as a submissive man, my desires to please her enabled communication between us to blossom along with the mental, spiritual (and yes, sexual) connections. In her own words, "He enabled me, to be me". She is still growing and exploring herself and thoroughly enjoying the journey. And I love it!


Andy said...

Thanks for that post. Our relationship is going in a similar way. It feels so good (even when my bottom sometimes hurts a lot). We just like it a lot.

Danielle said...

Indeed, an interesting post... especially because I recognize a bit of myself in the story about your wife.

SometimesSpanked said...

What a great story... and lovely pic! :)