March 2, 2010


I have found myself attracted to strong willed, assertive, dominant women since about fourth grade (another story, another post). I also found my own sexuality tied to a woman spanking me very early on. I guess I was one of the lucky ones in that I never really felt weird or guilty about my leanings, even though I knew that it might not be considered 'normal or mainstream'. I still remember finding F/M material in an adult bookstore. I must have been about 15 or so and was delighted to know that there were others 'like me'.

Fast forward quite a few years: I remember when the internet just began to be commonplace and people like us began to connect. It seemed like when you found another person into this lifestyle, the assumption was made that they must be quite like you. However, lately, as more and more people have posted blogs, forums, etc. and as they have opened up themselves, it is becoming very apparant that we are all different in the way we approach our Female Led Relationships (FLR). There have even been some rather heated discussions in some of the groups and forums.

In my case, our FLR has evolved over the period of time I have been with my Lady. I have had two previous long term relationships and the last one failed about 5 years ago, or so. It was then that a woman from the coven I belonged to said, "You have got to meet my mom". Will, I did and she and I have been together about 4-1/2 years, now. She turned out to me my 'no compromise Lady' and we share many interests. Of course, I introduced her to my interests in spanking and such, and at first she participated, mostly as a bottom. However, as she read more from my library, saw more videos and met a few women who had found their own power, my Lady began to find her own power and (much to my delight) now considers herself the leader of our relationship. She is still learning and things are still evolving, but I have grown to love her more and more as she is finding her base of power.

We (like so many other couples) have developed a contract. Ours is a F/M version of a Spencer Spanking Plan. In addition, I have produced a 'Certificate of Authority' which I have signed and is proudly displayed in our kitchen/dinette area of our house, as shown at the left.

This certificate is placed directly above my Lady's 'rack'. As indicated in previous posts, I have begun to make paddles and straps. I have just finished a wooden handled strap and another all leather strap is almost finished (Future posts will describe them). Thus my Lady's rack continues to grow and I am currently planning to build a wider one with more capacity.

Our contract provided for my Lady keeping a 'log' of misbehaviors. However, often they were not being entered and sometimes when they were, the discipline was not administered. Her log was turning into a 'black hole of discipline'. So, we worked out a new solution: A 'Notice of Discipline' form. This is loosely based upon a 'Detention Slip' as is apparently still being used in our schools. If you do a search on 'Detention Slip' you will find many companies who offer them. So, I set out (with plenty of encouragement from my Lady) to design one for her use. I set it up as a 'table' in a word processor. When printed the forms are the size of a recipe card and she keeps completed forms in a recipe card file box. (It has been interesting to look back at trends and such!). I have printed a number of these forms and most of them are attached to our refrigerator so that they are handy for her to issue a 'citation'. She also keeps a few forms in her purse for the times that we are out and about. (She asked me to confess that sometimes I can get a bit unruly in the grocery store. She also asked to share that she carries a 'purse paddle' too. This made quite a hit at one of the SMTR munches here in Seattle).

So we have found something that works for us and have developed our own style regarding our FLR. It is probably different than what other couples have developed for their own style. But as we share with each other, we can all pick and choose what works for us. As long as we keep an open mind and provide an approach of 'tolerance', we should all benefit.


Anonymous said...

Have you thought of adding a "Witnessed by:" section to your form?

spankedbywife said...

Good Idea but so far we have not involved a third party, although I am hoping that we could in the future. It does look like that could be added at the very bottom. Thanks for the suggestion.

aspankingcouple said...

I have a different version of the permission granted and 1 paddle hanging below it in our bedroom

Daniel said...

I like the idea of the certificates. What an excellent array of paddles. I would be interested to hear your account of how strong and dominant women came to have an impression on you from an early age, as I can concur that my life was influenced in a bog way by such women at a young age.

spankedbywife said...

SpankingCouple - love to see a pic of your permission granted slip and the paddle, too.

Daniel - You must have been reading my mind. I plan to describe my own 'beginnings' in the next post or two.

Anonymous said...

These are brilliant idea; we ave tended to use post-it notes!


Anonymous said...

Would you consider sharing your form? I would love to introduce it into our relationship, with some slight modifications. Unfortunately, I don't have your word processing skills.

spankedbywife said...

I would be most happy to share my form. Its in Microsoft Word format. I would suggest that you (or anyone else who is interested in the form) e-Mail me direct and I will reply with a copy of the form.