I have appreciated many of the thoughts, feelings and observations of other bloggers relating to their FLR relationships. It is obvious that we all are residents of the 'real' world and that sometimes life gets in the way of our expectations and fantasies.
A few days ago, I really lost control of myself and had what can be best described as a selfish tantrum. It was over something that was very insignificant but was the 'straw that broke the camel's back' (don't you hate idioms?). The day before, I had my taxes done and this was the first year I filed as a single person (I had been legally seperated from my eX since 2006), I had to deal with several tax issued relating to my retirement and there was a tax-related issue brewing with my eX. All things considered, my stress level was rather high.
My Lady took it all in strided and 'talked me down' rather skillfully. But it was too late; I had really crossed a line. I really felt bad and was hoping that she would hold me accountable with a blistering spanking that not only had I deserved but desparetly needed. Instead, she 'blew it off'. I was expecting to be served with one of her 'Notices of Discipline (see previous post), but nothing happened. Her lack of response actually made things worse. Did she not care? Did she not love me? Did she ...? I was totally wondering what was going on in her mind.
Our mornings usually begin with me rising between 5 and 7AM. I usually check my e-Mail (I subscribe to way too many Yahoo Groups), and check out the activity on the blogs and forums I follow. My Lady usually doesn't get up until between 9 and 10AM. So, I thought I would add some comments to one of the blogs I follow (Ma'am Yes Ma'am). I had published some comments the previous day and knew that she wanted to read what I had written. Thus I know that she would also see anything I wrote this morning. I layed out my feelings and concerns in a reply to a subject that was totally relavent to what had happened.
Well, it worked. Turns out that she really felt that I should be held accountable for my actions but still felt hesitant in actually taking steps in that direction. It was as if she still needed 'permission' to discipline me. After reading my posts, she realized that she didn't need 'permission'. Instead, as the Lady in Charge, she felt that she was empowered, after all. It was a revelation that I really am serious about this FLR stuff!
Anyway, I have now been served with two 'Notices of Discipline': One addresses the specific behavior that led up to my 'tantrum' and the other directly address my tantrum. As I am writing this, she has 'petticoated' me and I have been given a 'mild' spanking. Soon I will be cooking dinner for her, still dressed in the bright red panties she has requited me to wear with my bottom matching the red color. Much to my own pleasure, we received a shipment 'Secrets in Lace' this afternoon and I have been treated to a 'fashion show' with her dressed in her new black garter belt along with heels and stockings. Tomorrow, I will probably get a taste of the new implements that I have made for her: the PurpleHeart Paddle, Wooden-Handled Strap and another all-leather strap (I will be publishing a description of that implement soon). She has indicated that the discipline level tomorrow will besomewhere between 'moderate' and 'severe'. And it is nothing less that I deserve (and NEED).
With the events of today, all I can say is that I am still falling further and further in love with her and feel like I am the luckiest guy on the planet. I am a skeptic of any existence of an 'afterlife' but I have to admit that I now live in 'Heaven'.